Party Time

[genlock]

A Marshall University student is suing the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity after a fellow fraternity member allegedly shot a bottle rocket out of his anus.

Louis Helmburg III filed the suit in Cabell County Circuit Court against the fraternity and member, Travis Hughes, following incidents at a May fraternity party.

Helmburg claimed several underage party attendees, including Hughes, were drinking.

"Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck," the suit stated.

However, this plan quickly went awry.

"Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in defendant's rectum," the suit stated.

Helmburg said the explosion startled him, causing him to fall three to four feet off the fraternity deck where he became lodged between the deck and an adjacent unit's air conditioner.

The suit seeks damages for pain and suffering, loss of time from his baseball team, lost earning capacity and medical expenses.

Helmburg claimed the fraternity was negligent for failing to construct a railing on the deck.

"Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus," the suit stated.

[Lester]

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

[CoolBreeze]

Now THAT'S funny!

Can you imagine him explaining this to his kids and grandkids?

[genlock]

Or when a potential employer googles his name.

[weaver]

Now THAT'S funny!

Can you imagine him explaining this to his kids and grandkids?

Assuming this adventure left him with working "man parts."

[Scott Reppert]

Like the postcard says: "Greetings From Smoke Hole Caverns"...

[genlock]

Recent internet reports indicate that when Mr Helmberg III was stuck between the air-conditioner and the deck structure,
his always helpful fraternity brothers urinated on hm as a group.

[CoolBreeze]

PERFECT!!! Now THAT'S what I call a good time had by all.

"Son, you cant go through life fat, stupid, and shooting bottle rockets out of your anus".

[Dave Harman]

So the guy was so startled by the explosion of SOMEONE ELSE trying to shoot a bottle rocket out of his ass that he jumped off the porch? He must have been as drunk as the defendant. I mean, really, wouldn't you notice someone right beside you sticking a bottle rocket in his anus and lighting it, as long as you were a little tiny bit sober??

[Jay Nunley]

So the guy was so startled by the explosion of SOMEONE ELSE trying to shoot a bottle rocket out of his ass that he jumped off the porch? He must have been as drunk as the defendant. I mean, really, wouldn't you notice someone right beside you sticking a bottle rocket in his anus and lighting it, as long as you were a little tiny bit sober??

I've never been drunk enough to not notice a bottle rocket up an ass and I have been world record drunk on several occasions.

Also, this is just more proof that I was a shockingly wise 18 year old in that I refused to join a fraternity despite the constant recruiting.

[weaver]

"Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus," the suit stated.

Just a reminder of why I have such a low opinion of many personal injury lawyers. A duty of care not to shoot rockets out your butt? What?

This lawyer clearly is trying to trample on young Mr. Hughes' constitutional rights.