Dyslexic Student Expelled Over Toy Gnu

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Big Media
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Dyslexic Student Expelled Over Toy Gnu

Post by Big Media »

The Daily Redundancy
"The Standard of Excellence in Pseudojournalism"


Dyslexic Student Expelled Over Toy Gnu



WATERBURY, CT - A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district's 'zero tolerance' policy, according to administrators. Officials believe the student, who is dyslexic, tried to intentionally break the policy.

"We're convinced he intended to bring a toy gun." said Meredith Simmons, Principal of Waterbury Elementary. "His reading disability may have confused him about what is prohibited in the policy, but we can't take any chances. That's why it's called zero tolerance."

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The expulsion received full approval from the superintendent's office. "We support Principal Simmons' decision." said Milton Decker, Assistant Superintendent. "The toy gnu may seem harmless, but we can't ignore the underlying intent. I seriously doubt any of our students even know what a gnu is."

The student, who requested to remain amomynous, will be eligible for admission next year following a psychological evaluation and sensitivity training. The toy gnu was confiscated and destroyed by janitorial personnel.

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Zak Tyler
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Post by Zak Tyler »

has anyone seen "Minority Report"

does this border on "you've got to be fucking kidding me" or is it just me???
I'm not an idiot, but I play one on the radio.
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Post by Scott Reppert »

Well, at least he didn't bring a "gub" to school...
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Post by nuggie99 »

Zak Tyler wrote:has anyone seen "Minority Report"

does this border on "you've got to be fucking kidding me" or is it just me???
I'm thinking the Daily Redundancy is similar to the Onion.

Reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Hank was teaching shop. Bobby got caught with a tool. The principal said "If I show any tolerance, then I won't be zero-tolerant, will I?"
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Post by SPIKE NESMITH! »

They have to be careful with that stuff. Because as this guy can testify...

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...no gnus is good gnus.
So sayeth His Royal Highness King Spike; greatest broadcasting talent of his generation.
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Post by Big Media »

nuggie99 wrote: I'm thinking the Daily Redundancy is similar to the Onion.
Dude... ixnay... you're spoiling it for Zak. :P :lol:
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Post by nuggie99 »

fanofbigmedia wrote:
nuggie99 wrote: I'm thinking the Daily Redundancy is similar to the Onion.
Dude... ixnay... you're spoiling it for Zak. :P :lol:
When a man uses 3 question marks, it means he's serious. I'm sure there were veins popping out and the like.
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Post by Zak Tyler »

nuggie99 wrote:
fanofbigmedia wrote:
nuggie99 wrote: I'm thinking the Daily Redundancy is similar to the Onion.
Dude... ixnay... you're spoiling it for Zak. :P :lol:
When a man uses 3 question marks, it means he's serious. I'm sure there were veins popping out and the like.
ok, i'm breathing again..... i'm not up on all the fake news sites. don't use them, don't like them, don't even think they're funny... got a trial of The Onion radio news thingy about a year ago thinking it might be funny like john stewart or stephan colbert... maybe my 141 IQ isn't high enough to "get it" cause i didn't even crack a smile... ok, i feel better now. thanks for letting me off the hook :)
I'm not an idiot, but I play one on the radio.
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Post by Dave Loudin »

Bring back The Daily Feed!
Aircheck? You'd make a great board op.
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Post by Bob Campbell »

Could of been worse Zak. They could of left you standing there with your rekcep in your hand.
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Post by Zak Tyler »

Bob Campbell wrote:Could of been worse Zak. They could of left you standing there with your rekcep in your hand.
I ALWAYS have that in my hand...

*tap, tap... is this thing on???*
I'm not an idiot, but I play one on the radio.
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