If You Haven't Read "The Rules Of West Virginia"

[Scott Reppert]

THE RULES OF WEST VIRGINIA:

1. Pull your saggy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap straight. Your head is not crooked.

3. Yes, these are dirt roads. No matter how slow your drive, you are going to get dust on your Lexus...so speed up or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. You can consider them 'live steaks'. They may smell funny to you, but they smell like money to us.

5. So what that you have a $60,000 car. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are only driven three weeks a year.

6. Every person in West Virginia waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept and always use all your fingers.

7. If your cell phone rings while an eight point buck and three does are coming in, the phone WILL be shot out of your hand. Prayerfully you will not have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawfish. We are the frontrunners in developing "gourmet bait shoppes."

9. We open doors for women. ALL women. Regardless of age.

10. Notice that there is no "vegetarian special" on the menu. A simple remedy might be to order the Chef Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

12. And by the way, we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and high school football is more important...and a dang site more fun to watch...than the Lakers and the Knicks.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards. It tends to spook the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

19. Four inches of snow is not a "blizzard." It's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T think that anything under fifteen inches of snow is a reason to take all the bread, milk, lunch meat and batteries out of our grocery stores! This is not Alaska. Worst case scenario says you might have to go one day without croissants.

20. See something above that you don't care for? I-79 goes north and south and U.S. Route 50 goes east and west. Pick one.

[fearpeddler]

AMEN!!!!!!!!!! List seems a little short though...

[Arp2]

3. Yes, these are dirt roads.

I drove on three unpaved roads a couple of weeks ago.....in Indiana!

They were on the map! As roads in Indiana go, they were somewhat scenic, but what the frack?

[/a new Battlestar Galactica movie was on the other night...]

12. And by the way, we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!

Hey!

[Scott Reppert]

I drove on three unpaved roads a couple of weeks ago.....in Indiana!

They were on the map!

I have experienced that exact same thing! Trying what looked to be a "normal looking" shortcut a couple of years ago, I ended up driving through what was basically a cornfield at 60 mph! With other cars going both ways!

My West Virginia counterpart to that is the road is WV State Route 42 (I believe it is a State route and not a county road) that comes down from Elk Garden, WV to Luke, MD. This thing is on the map as a "major road" and the first time I ever drove it, the thing was dirt and gravel!! Amazing!
Think it's paved all the way through, now. Go here and zoom in once to see it..

http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?se ... v&zipcode=

[The Interpreter]

Today's road geek lesson:

There are no county roads in West Virginia.

There are roads that are city maintained, there are state roads, but there are no county roads.

Kentucky is a whole different story.